Finally saw "New York, I Love You" tonight. It was a beautiful film, very real and dark, but lovely. It felt exactly like the city feels. Disconnected and lonely, intimate and anonymous. So many love stories wrapped up in themselves. I loved the old couple in the end. The simple monotony of their day to day life together. Bickering in love. Sniff...
The movie reminds me of so much of my time living there during the cold and gray months. New York, never demanded anything from me. Never knew I was there, never knew I was gone. He never asked me to interact with him in anyway. I could travel through the day, without making the tiniest impact on the city's nervous system. I was completely anonymous no matter how many people I passed by. I went days at a time without being spoken to or acknowledged in any way. Even on those days that I would find myself interacting with strangers or even people I knew, I still felt like a ghost. Transparently floating around, knowing that my existence had no lasting importance in another's life. New York can be such a dark and terribly lonely place if you let it. If your voice isn't loud enough, if your presence isn't big enough, he tends to prove your own insignificance at every turn you make. I wasn't prepared for that and I let him suck me dry. It's not his fault.
I had forgotten that feeling since I moved away. I guess this is a moment built to remind me to be gracious for the incredible things in my current life. I wake up everyday now with excitement for the day ahead. I have so many wonderful, creative, compassionate, amazing people in my life here. I've never felt more right than I do now. I'm exactly where I should be and everything is as it was meant to be. Life is so good. Chicago is so good. My soul is so happy.
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