Promising.

Need to pack today. Dreamed about apartment hunting all night. I'm starting to get anxious but also excited. I need this change to happen. I need to jumpstart my life again and jump back into reality. Everything in this place reminds me of too many things of the past 4 months and I need a change of scenery, a new social calendar, and a new life. It's definitely time. There is too much empty time here, not enough distractions to keep me moving forward, moving on. Still haven't been able to move on entirely. Probably because I have all this time to think, remember, replay, wonder, and wish... and miss. It's embarrassing that it's all still there in my head, but I refuse to lie about it. You don't have to read it.

Chicago will be a deep breath after a major turning point in my life. One that was forced upon me, but one for which I am grateful nonetheless. I may never have gotten on this path had I not been forced to break in half and put myself back together. My horoscope said that 2009 was going to be my gold year. A year when all the groundwork for the rest of my life is laid. I was going to make new deals, grow professionally, discover life changes, and find lasting love (or at least meet lasting love). Well, I think that some of those things happened, but not all. Obviously not the lasting love. If I was going to meet the person I'm meant to be with, it was supposed to happen within the past 12 months... there are 3 more days left until the golden zodiac love passes me by. I don't think it's going to happen. Fortunately, I refuse to believe that these past 12 months were my only chance at finding a life-long love. Or maybe I do believe that a little. It's nearly impossible for me to comprehend the existence of anyone else as close to perfection as I have had.

Either way, I am on a journey filled with promise and fulfillment now. I may not love the fact that I'm traveling without, but I trust those beings that know more than I do. I trust that this is what's best for me. If it wasn't, the circumstances would be different. Only time will tell me why.

Beautiful photography (warning... some are more disturbing than beautiful)